HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES

2003
88 minutes

Fans of REAL horror can tell you that this movie is the one that they've been waiting for. Horrific, disturbing, funny and satirical. Everything that a good horror movie should be. Fans of crap like Soul Survivors and Cursed need not apply. With a zeal that only a true student of the genre can muster, Rob Zombie grabs us by the neck and drags us into his world of psychos and sociopaths. He forces us to watch and I for one couldn't take my eyes off of it.

The story takes place on the Texas back roads of the 1970's, seemingly around the same time and place as the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Four 20-somethings going cross country gathering material for a book about out of the way roadside attractions stumble upon Capitan Spaulding's Museum of Monsters and Mayhem. The Captain is likely to be one of the most remembered characters in horror history. After hearing the legend of Dr. Satan the two young men set off to find the truth about the evil doctor; much to the chagrin of their female companions. They soon find themselves in the grip of the Firefly clan. A family that makes the family from Texas Chainsaw look like the Walton’s. It's all down hill from there as Baby, Otis, Mother, Rufus, Tiny and Grandpa inflict the unspeakable on the unlucky travelers.

The movie is smart, stylish and detailed in a way that can only be appreciated by repeated viewings.

There will inevitably be naysayers who obviously just don't get it...and that's fine. This movie isn't for everyone. But for true fans of the genre this is IT!

IMDB Profile: CLICK HERE

First is a new series...

Erin and I have been spending our last two Monday nights in our childbirth class and anyone who's been through one knows what "Hoot Breathing" is. It's been interesting to say the least. Informative for me, but Erin has admitted that she really hasn't learned much that she wasn't already aware of. We've spent the bulk of the two classes watching videos on the stages of birth.

I never realized how different my perceptions of the labor and birth process were from the real thing. For example, early on Erin and I talked about what she should do if she goes into labor while I'm at work. My first thought was that she would call some designated person to come and take her to the hospital and then she would call me and I would meet them there. WRONG! I didn't realize that Erin will likely be in labor for a few hours before she actually has to go to the hospital. Change of plans...she'll still call a soon to be designated person (likely her mother) to come and be with her until I get there. That will be after she calls me to let me know so that I can get out of work and come home as soon as it all starts.

Hmmmm...So what is this blue-green blob? I have to admit; out of all the delivery videos that I had seen previously they never showed the after-birth. Well, after seeing it three separate times now I have no need to see anymore. I told Erin that it's not the baby coming out that I have a problem with it's all the other stuff that comes out with it. I'm not whimping out by the way...I've just decided that I'll be staying up by Erin's gorgeous face to provide continual encouragement rather than down watching the placenta emerge.

We've learned some relaxation techniques...the infamous "Hoot Breathing" being one of them. When the instructor asked the coaches to do the breathing instead of the moms I came to the quick conclusion that I don't sound like I'm relaxing when I'm hoot breathing...I sound like a jack-ass. No more hoot breathing for me.

During the last half of the first class the instructor asked the coaches the get down in front of the moms and look them in the eyes and help them focus. There I am sitting on my calves looking my beautiful wife in the eyes and all I can think to say to her is, "hey baby...come here often." We both started laughing and it was nice to get away from the seriousness for a moment. We quickly got back to focusing on breathing, but something began to nag at me. I soon realized that the position I was in had squeezed my intestines and I suddenly had to fart...BADLY! I fought hard to resist for the last ten minutes of class and when we finally got out into the parking garage I farted so loud that it shook the concrete. Sweet, sweet release!

Finally, I have to give credit where credit is due. Erin redecorated the bathroom this past Friday before I got home. It looks great! Now those of you who've had the distinct pleasure of being in our apartment know what our bathroom looked like before. Yes, the Spongebob Squarepants shower curtain has been retired. You might be thinking, wait, you're about to have a child and you choose now to get rid of the childish bathroom??? Don't get me wrong, I still love Spongebob, but I just felt that it was time for a change. The bathroom is now lovely earth tones and I think my lovely wife deserves a round of applause for doing such a wonderful job.

So that's all for now. Hope everyone is doing well.

- Jeremy

Great series of posts on a friend of mine's blog.

http://jakecole.blogspot.com/2005/08/more-proof.html

Not only does Jake have proof that Pooh eats babies, he's got proof that French people have no sense of humor.

-Jeremy